I miss Mom but not so much the Mom sitting next to me in her wheelchair while I work on the computer but the Mom that becomes a blur as I pass her in the living room at Roaring Springs. When we would go visit the first place I would go was to the fridge because after a long drive I could not wait to get some of her great cooking on a plate and in my mouth. It did not matter what it was, if she cooked it, it was good! I would bet money that the wood in the floor from the door to the kitchen is worn down and not quite as thick as the rest of the wood. And then she became a blur again as I ran past her to race up the stairs to start getting ready for whatever Louis and I had planned for the evening. You see we were young parents and WE HAD A BABYSITTER!! Motley County was our stomping ground for many years after we had grown and left so we visited Mom and Dad quite often, right up to just a year or so ago. Jennifer and Megan loved to stay with them, they could have cared less if we ever came back to get them I think! ;) Up until Mom and Dad moved away from Roaring Springs their house was "going home" for Jennifer, not my house.
So where am I going with this? The last two years with Mom were some of the best years of my life but sometimes it makes me wonder ... had I not had the last two years I could continue to think that after we grow up and move on parents just become grandparents and in many ways their usefulness as parents are diminished because they have a new purpose. Oh do not get me wrong, I relied alot on my parents for advice and ideas but not for nurturing, that transferred to Jen and Megan, especially Jennifer. But over the last two years I realized that Mom has always been a nurturer and she made me feel safe and I knew I could talk to her about anything. Oh how I wish I would have spent more time during my visits way back then just hanging out ... even if we had not even talked I know now we would have been connected because of the way we connected in silence over the last 2 years. I am pretty certain if I had not had the last two years with her I would not miss her so much but if I had to do it over again I would take the two years without a second thought!!
I also remember when Mom started getting worse I would think, if she can just make it to her birthday ... I really wanted to make her a cake. Mom ALWAYS made us cakes for our birthdays ... she was not a big party thrower but we always got a cake! I think she probably did have birthday parties for the kids more when they were in the military because when in the military you always had a built in circle of friends that you just naturally belonged to and connected with. So that is what you did, you got together and had birthday parties. So even though Mom is not here and she is having a great Birthday with Dad and family she has missed for a long time I am going to make her a cake ... it will make me feel better!
Happy Birthday Mom!
