What a rebel I am!

So we tried going along with the hospice nurse and Mom stayed in bed from Friday PM until this morning and it was the most depressing thing. I do not think Mom liked it either. It was unbelievable the battle that was going on inside of me, it consumed me all day Saturday and so all I did was lay around either on the couch or in the bed next to Mom. Every time I went in her room I kept searching her eyes for something that would tell me that she was relieved that we were not making her get up and that she was very content just laying there in her room. It was not there ... all I saw in her eyes, that seemed to have tears in them, was confusion. I do not think she understood why everything changed. She seemed so sad. So this morning I made an executive decision ... I believe if Mom does not want to get up she will tell me, so Louis and I came up with a new schedule so that we are not shuffling her as much but she ends up being with us the same amount of time.

I get her up around noon, do the morning routine of fixing her hair, washing her face and brushing her teeth, if she will open her mouth! I think she is afraid the toothpaste is a form of nourishment I am trying to trick her into eating! ; ) Then we go to the kitchen and I mix up her pudding concoction of medicine, hold it up to her mouth a few times, trying to get her to take it, and it ends up in the garbage disposal. Then I fix her cereal with banana, hold a bite up to her mouth and discuss the value of food to convince her to unclench her teeth, and then it ends up in the garbage disposal. Then I fix her something to drink and maaaaaybe she will drink it or maybe I will put it in the sink too. It may all seem like a waste of time but I do not think it is and I think she likes the routine.

Then Mom watches Mass. After that Louis puts her in the recliner and there she sits until the evening. She seems so happy and content when she is there because she is where the action is. She does sleep a lot but I still think she is engaged in what we are doing and when we are talking. When I asked her earlier if she was ready to go get ready for bed she said "No" so I let her hang out longer until she agreed she was ready.

I believe that when Mom is ready to go and God is ready for her she will go but I just cannot see letting her lay in that bed waiting to die. And so unless she takes a drastic turn for the worse she will be up with us during the day just hanging out. I cannot bear the thought of her laying in that bed while we are having Holiday celebrations, hopefully she will stay healthy enough that we can still get her up when that time comes. Today was a very happy day!!

Here is a picture of Mom and Megan. And a picture of Mom watching the Cowboys play today ... she tunes in to the sports!