The recliner aka the Big Chair ...

I have had a tough couple of days with Mom while the doctor and I try to iron out Mom's medication. That on top of having to talk to the girl in his office (she is torture). I think sometimes that to work in a doctors office it is a prerequisite to be rude, indifferent, and insensitive. I am one of those that can pretty much break the ice and make someone laugh to assure myself good service anywhere I go but I have the worst luck with that with a doc's office staff!

Anyway, what the heck does any of that have to do with the recliner? Absolutely nothing!! Just venting.

Mom has moved in!! This is not that big of a deal I am sure to those of you reading this but to me it is! It is so heartwarming to have Mom as part of the family here. I remember in the days just before she moved in I would be all giddy telling Louis, x# of sleeps and Mom will be sitting there watching TV with us. For some reason that scenario gave me such a sense of family, ya know like the Walton's! ; ) When she finally got here she did not seem to be as enthusiastic about TV nights as I was. ;( Until tonight ... not only was she enthused about coming to the Living Room and sitting in the "big chair" and watch TV with us but when I asked her if she was ready to go to bed (which is a usual YES) she said NO! Not that she even had her face turned slightly to the TV but I do believe she has settled in and she enjoys being a part of the family, part of the conversation and part of the hubbub!!! Oh yes she is listening ... DO NOT let the picture fool you!

SIDENOTE: If you have a family member with AlZ/Dementia do not take them to the hospital unless it is an absolutely last resort and you have not decided on a hospice type scenario. It is torture for the elderly because they do not understand what is going on. It really sets them back

Core Values via One- Liners

A Soldier, my dad, Somewhere in the mountains of India, 1944

Laverne:

There is the experience, the memory and then there is a photograph. How much we get to know about someone seems to be based on many factors. Even though there are seven children in my family and all raised by the same parents, my father and mother, as naive, young, first time parents were totally different people when it was time to raise my younger siblings 17 years later. Or were they? Does the essence of who we are persevere?

Me: I am thinking about what Laverne wrote above and I think Mom and Dad were different with the "second family" in that they were more seasoned. The first family toughened them up and so consequently made them more laid back. I think after they "survived" all of the mishaps of the first four kids they realized, "Okay so that was not so bad, we survived and we came out on the other side pretty much unscathed, I can't believe we were worried" So with us they already knew what the other side looked like and so it was not looming out there. I always appreciated my older siblings for training them for us!

I do think the core values they had were the same from beginning to end though like: work smart not hard; if you cannot say anything nice do not say anything at all; they cannot get your goat if you do not tell them where it is tied; give yourself enough time so you are not late; if God had wanted holes in your ears he would have put them there; if it is not morally wrong and does not do physical harm do not say no to your kids. Mom said that way they will trust you and so when you do find it necessary to say no they will listen. Mom tells a story of how she was just a very little girl and she was walking the path from the house to the barn. Her Mother looked out the kitchen window and saw a rattlesnake right in front of her in the path. Grandmother yelled, "Grace Laverne Tilson you stop right where you are!" Because my Grandmother was not the type to rattle off "No" at the drop of a hat without good reason my Mother respected her and knew she always had her best interests at heart ... so she stopped dead in her tracks She did not move until Granddaddy came and killed the snake. I am willing to bet there are many young kids these days that would have gotten bit by that snake. It seems sometimes Mom and Dad raised us right with wise one-liners more than lectures or because I said so stuff!

Dads letter to Mom:

July 27, 1944

Somewhere in India

Dearest Grace,

Good morning honey. I just got up and ate breakfast, had you on my mind and figured I’d write you a few lines. Bore you a little.

Had a very good breakfast - -fresh fried sunny side up eggs and pork sausage, cereal and cantaloupe. The breakfast I had at your house beat this though. I really could go for a breakfast like that. Bacon and eggs, cream and cereal. Good old official cream also, not canned milk like we have here. Enough about food. I guess I’ve said enough, always complaining.

What have you been doing in the past few days? I hope your trip to Ft. Worth was a good one. So far I’ve been in Bombay and the city is nothing like anything in Texas. All they seem to have is peddlers in the streets, trying to sell you something you don’t want and they usually sell it to you, too.

Last night I went to a show here on the field. It was an out door movie. It rained at the beginning but stopped later on. I saw “So’s Your Uncle” and part of “There’s Something about a Soldier.” About ¾ through the 2nd picture it started to rain cats and dogs. I was soaked to the skin.

How do you feel about me honey, still the same way? I hope you do. I’m nuts about you. I wish we get things ironed out between you and I soon. Say, you never told me if the flowers arrived the day of your graduation or late. They were scheduled to arrive the day you graduated at school.

I sent you a picture. Not very good, but I guess it will have to do till I can get a good one.

Remember when I met you at Fort Worth and started a conversation, I said I sure would like to have you for a sweet heart and then when I did write you a few letters and we got better acquainted I sorta hinted around for you to invite me over to your place. You finally gave in, and after I left I figured you were sorry you ever met me. The guys at camp ribbed me cause I traveled 300 miles to see you and I disappointed you. I was kinda down in the dumps. Then when I heard from you again just before shipping for overseas telling me you cared a little I was really happy and then I knew I had something to go for and come back for.

I’ll be waiting for that picture you promised to send me. If you have not sent it out hold onto it till I give you my newest address. I’ll write you as soon as I receive the candy.

My younger brother has been rejected by the Army because of a weak heart. The folks were kinda glad in one way but sad to hear he had a weak heart. (Raining again)

I guess I’ll close now but before I close I want to ask you one more question. When is your birthday?

Lovingly yours,

always

Ray

Who is calling the shots?

Getting Mom changed, medicated and in bed was tough tonight. Louis nailed it when he said sometimes Mom seems like she knows what we need to happen to make it work and so she does the exact opposite. When I tried to give her her medicine she clamped down her teeth so tight, there was no way to get past them. I got a little loud saying "MOM, pleeeeaase open your mouth and she said "Okay" with a smirk, she opened her mouth a little bit and I said "Ok thanks, can you open it a little more?" She said "I caaan't". Hmmmmm ... so no medicine for her tonight. So ok then I will let her call the shots, if she does not want to take her medicine I am not going to make her. Besides I can't make her without calling in troops to hold her mouth open and risk choking her! I think sometimes Mom just gets tired of not being able to make her own decisions and so she clamps down, whether it be her teeth, her shoulders unwilling to roll, or her feet that just will not stay on the foot rests of the wheelchair once you get them on there.

Also, Mom seems mad at me for something since we left the hospital and here is my take on it. When we were preparing to leave the nurse was removing the tape from the IV and the foley and Mom was not a happy camper. What I SHOULD have done was what I always do and that is leave the room when things that hurt happen so she does not associate it with me. Instead I stayed and held her hand and she looked directly at me screaming to stop while oblivious to the nurse that was doing the deed. Ever since that moment she has looked at me with such contempt. So when does that memory move from short term to not so short term but not really long term so she forgets it? Never ever be present, if you can help it, for negative things!

A nice visit from Bunni, Jamie, Megan and John!

Mom wanted to rest her eyes before company ... unfortunately she rested them before and during!! She did wake up when she heard Bunni talking and smiled really big, saying Hi! But then right back to sleep. She then woke up when Megan and John got here but right back to sleep. Not long after everyone left she woke up ready to party! She keeps looking at the seat where Bunni was sitting like she is waiting for her return. ;( We tried to wake her up but Mom is independent ... she is not going to wake up just because we ask her to!

She is still not 100% but she is better after getting IV Antibiotics at the hospital for a couple of days. I felt like she would do better at home than at the hospital. Hospitals are so detrimental to the elderly. They would have kept her longer but they understood my point so they let us go with oral antibiotics. They wanted to do an MRI but I declined it as I knew it would just scare her and she would not understand the reasoning behind it. Besides if they found something I would not have authorized anything to correct it. They understood that also.

I was very pleased with Harris Methodist Fort Worth ... everyone was genuinely concerned and caring. Loved Mom's Nurses Jami and Colbi!

Hospital stay ...

Thursday Mom woke up with a high fever, tremors and not eating or drinking for the second day. Called Home Health and the Dr. and they suggested the ER especially because of the high fever and not drinking. It is so easy for the elderly to get dehydrated. I am reminded almost daily how fragile she is. So that is where she has been until I got her back home about an hour ago. It is very nice to have her back!

I stayed up at the hospital except when I came home to sleep and so I am telling you my butt was sore by the end of the day from sitting in that chair. I was starting to worry that I was going to get bedsores or chair sores! Another one of those little things to be thankful for ... ya know how when you sit or lay in one place for a long time it starts to kind of hurt? Well when that happens what do we do? We shift our position a little bit because we can! And you know how much relief you get from that. Well think about being unable to move yourself... ugggghhh! So even though my Mom may not say she appreciates it, or maybe she does not associate me "turning" her with relief from one time to the next, I know it has to feel good for her to get turned!

Love Letters: Ray Meets Stella, Whiteflat, Texas 1944

Laverne:

Conflict and Misunderstanding. It must have been difficult to develop a relationship mostly through letters. It appears they were together when they met, then one visit to the farm, off to war, one or two visits after the war then marriage. I imagine that one reason my mother may have been a little unsure about my dad after his first visit was his sense of humor. He does like to joke, and as kids we had to learn to know when he was serious and when he was kidding. I think that my strategy was that, except in the case of politics, I never took him seriously. And that approach seemed to carry over till today. That is good, because whenever someone says something bad to me, I think they didn’t really mean it. That strategy is bad, however, because whenever someone compliments me, I’m inclined to not take that serious either. I think, oh, you just said it to be nice…..

Letter from Dad to Mom:

January 30, 1944

Sunday

Dear Grace Laverne,

I received today your letter of Jan. 28th and I must say that it sure was nice to hear from you. I sure thought that you might be angry with me cause there was no letter to me from you.

I really meant it when I said I had a nice time when I was at your house. I won’t say I had a better time than I did home on furlough. I sure was glad that I am able to go home so often to see the folks. They sure were glad to see me.

I am sorry that you got me all wrong when I said that you were pretty. I really think that you are wonderful and very pretty. I say that because I mean it. I am not saying it just as a line to get you for me. I like you a lot. That is true I never said I love you. I like you because I think that it was sweet of you to consent to write to me, and for Christmas send me a box of candy. Another reason I like you and your family was cause I found that you and your family was only one of the very few families that take in a soldier to spend a week end at their house, and lived up to that Southern hospitality.

That gift I gave you was something I wanted you to have for being so nice to a certain cpl. Is that matter all straightened out between us, and I do hope we keep on as always, good friends.

Love,

Ray

P.S. I think that I really made you angry and I am dreadfully sorry.

P. P.S. I case you could use any sugar stamps, I think I can get hold of some.

P.P.S. In case you want my picture yet, you can still have it.

No whining allowed ...

Ok so I have figured out that I do not like to blog when my Mom has bad days because I do not like to whine about it. So what I will do is blog about those days in the past tense so I can share the problem and the resolution at the same time! I mean think about it ... what if I posted a whiny blog and it was the only blog somebody ever read? They would walk away saying, "Geeez Louise she is a whiny butt .... what a Debbie downer." ;) Then they would be afraid to read again and may never hear the good news. So in a nutshell here is the scoop:

Mom has another UTI
She is not fun to be around
The end

Will share more when there is good news to balance the bad!