I have fallen and cannot get up ...

What in the heck was I thinking? First of all why did I think it was a good idea to put Mom in the recliner in the morning? And then why did I think that I could get Mom from the recliner to the wheelchair? I have only done that one time and it was very early in the day and I had not had that "healthy" fruit bar laden with sugar, and I had not had that square of "healthy" dark chocolate that also has sugar in it, all of which do wonders at zapping my strength!!

Well here is what happened, when Louis got home I had the great idea of letting Mom sit in the recliner because I do love having her out here with me even though I KNOW that this disease thrives on you not sticking to the schedule. So of course, Mom wakes up unhappy and needing to be changed. And I can't wait til Louis gets up because of the fear of bedsores so here I go. I put on my back belt, lean over and grab Mom's gait belt, ignoring my legs that are screaming, "I can't do it ... too much sugar!!" One, Two ... One ... okay lets try it again .. One, Two, Three, swing, and we hover somewhere with half her butt on the chair and half on the wheelchair. Since the wheelchair is higher than the chair (not an ideal situation for a transfer which I also know) I resign myself to lowering her to the floor. And then I have to wake Louis up to help. And as always he was wonderful, saying, "I will be right there!". When he got there you could see the tenseness in her face melt away as she looked at him, probably thinking, thank goodness someone that knows what they are doing!! I love you Louis, I could not do this without you!!

Money cannot buy what love can

Mom's Home Health Team often compliments me on how well I take care of Mom. But like Laverne said she does in a post with one of Dad's letters I just figured they are just being nice ... as I did today! Joy, the nurse, was here and she said a couple of times what a great job I do with Mom whether it is singing to her to calm her down or doing all that I do to keep bedsores at bay. I said, "Do you really think so? Because I always wonder if I do enough" She said, "Oh no you do great. Did you know that Christopher Reeve died from a bed sore and he had all kinds of private nurses, doctors and the best medical equipment available. And you do it all by yourself, you are so good with her."

I have had Home Health tell me this on many other occasions and I have not posted it because I am not comfortable patting myself on the back. But her mention of Christopher Reeve made me think. Money can buy you a lot but it cannot buy you the same care that love can.

Mom is in bed right now and she starts fussing. Usually she will go back to sleep pretty quick but not this time so I went in there to try to figure out what she wants. I say, "Mom do you want some water? Some cottage cheese? Some yogurt?" Nothing, just a blank stare, I wonder if maybe she cannot decide or maybe she is not really listening. Then I say, "or do you just want to lay there and stare at me?" She busts into a pretty good laugh for her. Then she decided on yogurt so I got some and went back in there ... SOUND ASLEEP! I would bet that in this house more food money goes to the food she does not eat than goes to what Louis and I eat put together.

Do not put off til tomorrow ...

I am part of a Facebook group and there was a discussion about whether to think about the future or to not in regards to ALZ. I do not think there is one right answer to that because it does depend on your situation. For me though with my Mom I am very into her, where she is at, every day because I do know what is coming and so I know there will not be another chance. When my Dad started getting sick I knew nothing about this disease. I just figured where he was at then was the extent of the sickness so like we all do I fell into the, "I will do that later" or "I will visit next weekend instead" or "I will help him with his computer next time I come, I am in a hurry". If I had known then what I know now about the disease I would have known that later he will not want to do what I had planned or that if I wait another week he will not know me anymore or by the time I come back he will have forgotten how to use the computer so would not need me to help him. So though I do not dwell on the future with Mom I do keep it in the forefront of my decisions. I am fully aware what is coming ... thank goodness. I will have memories with my Mom I missed out on with my Dad ... because I did not think about the future when my Dad was sick.

Now this lesson does not apply to just loved ones with ALZ but to all of those you care about. If you think it, say it, if you think it, do it!

Love Letter #2 Aug 3, 1944

Me: In this letter Dad talks about taking care so as to not get malaria. Well he did and was very sick for a while. Up until the day he died, so many years later, he could not give blood because he had had malaria as a young man.

Laverne: Dad is in India in this letter. Sleeping in a tent. The photo is of him still on a ship. Is that a camera in his hand? When we lived In Japan, many years later, I remember taking photos and developing them with Dad in the base photo lab. Is it any wonder that his creative talents, and mom’s with her sewing and quilt making, that many of their children and grandchildren have followed in their foot steps?

3 August 1944
Thursday eve
India

Dearest,

I’ve got the urge to write you, but I just can’t seem to find anything to say. I have so much to talk about yet when I sit down to write you my mind seems to be a total blank.

I haven’t been very busy today, but as soon as I try reading a book or write a letter some body comes in with some work he wants done immediately if not sooner.

I am writing you this letter while on the bed and underneath a mosquito net. It is very stuffy underneath the net, but if I did not sleep under the net I would be subject to the bite of a mosquito and maybe malaria.

I really had a lot of trouble to get to work today. On account of the big rain the other night all routes to our place of work were underwater. When we did land a truck to take us, there was always the chance of it stalling so we would l have to get out and wade through the water. Our truck stalled once today and so I had to get out and walk.

It is getting dark now so I pulled out my flashlight so I could keep on writing to you. We have no electric lithgt in our tents. As I sit here and write this letter there are guys outside reinforcing their tents cause some of the tents fell down the previous night. I’ll wait till mine falls before I reinforce it. Mine looks pretty solid, anyway.

Most all the minor dirty jobs are being done by the Natives. All we have to do is carry out our regular duties and not worry about K.P. etc.

I pay a guy $2 a month to do my laundry. It does not matter how much clothes I give him. The price is always the same. This way I’ll be able to put on a clean suit of clothes on every other day.

I sure am glad in one way that they shipped me over seas. For by shipping me overseas I replaced a fellow that has served overseas for more than 2 years. You should see how happy he was when he found out I was replacing him. And that now he was able to go home again. Now if they send enough guys like me overseas your brother, my brother will be able to come home sooner. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t cherish this idea of being away from you, I miss you so and I so do long to be with you again. I’m only happy that because of replacements like me and some other guys coming here, gives you a chance maybe to see W.R. a lot sooner. (You should be glad you don’t have to put up with me for a couple of years.)

Well babe, I guess I’ll close for tonight. I have no more news and I’m getting tired so I could sleep. I want to sleep so I could dream of you.

With all my love,
Ray

P.S. I do love you. I’m pretty darn sure. Are you? I’m kissing you good night honey. Did you get it?

Love Letter Aug 3, 1944

Me: "Guess I’ll close with oceans of love and a kiss on every wave". I love this line in Dad's letter. What a romantic!


Laverne: Guadacanal Diary, a must see if you truly want to know the thoughts and fears of anticipation that young soldiers felt at they traveled on boats to unknown lands and unknown battles. This photo of Dad on the middle bunk looks as though it came right out of the movie. And the kidding and conversation sounds as though they came right out of his letters.

3, August 1944

Dearest Darling,

Not much news, so I do not know just what to say. There is one thing I want to say and you heard it plenty of times before. “I sure do miss you.”

Today and yesterday have been two pretty cool days. We have had a little rain. About 2 to 3 ft deep in certain spots. Our tent was not washed out, although there were plenty that did.

I’ve been pretty busy yesterday so I was not able to write. I’m sorry.

I wasn’t able to leave camp to go to town. So I haven’t had a picture taken yet. I’ll send you a picture as soon as possible.

I haven’t received any letters from you lately, the last 3 or 4 days I mean, so I just can’t find anything to write. Guess I’ll close with oceans of love and a kiss on every wave.

Love always,
Ray

P.S. Sorry this is only a short note. Will write more as soon as I can.

The recliner aka the Big Chair ...

I have had a tough couple of days with Mom while the doctor and I try to iron out Mom's medication. That on top of having to talk to the girl in his office (she is torture). I think sometimes that to work in a doctors office it is a prerequisite to be rude, indifferent, and insensitive. I am one of those that can pretty much break the ice and make someone laugh to assure myself good service anywhere I go but I have the worst luck with that with a doc's office staff!

Anyway, what the heck does any of that have to do with the recliner? Absolutely nothing!! Just venting.

Mom has moved in!! This is not that big of a deal I am sure to those of you reading this but to me it is! It is so heartwarming to have Mom as part of the family here. I remember in the days just before she moved in I would be all giddy telling Louis, x# of sleeps and Mom will be sitting there watching TV with us. For some reason that scenario gave me such a sense of family, ya know like the Walton's! ; ) When she finally got here she did not seem to be as enthusiastic about TV nights as I was. ;( Until tonight ... not only was she enthused about coming to the Living Room and sitting in the "big chair" and watch TV with us but when I asked her if she was ready to go to bed (which is a usual YES) she said NO! Not that she even had her face turned slightly to the TV but I do believe she has settled in and she enjoys being a part of the family, part of the conversation and part of the hubbub!!! Oh yes she is listening ... DO NOT let the picture fool you!

SIDENOTE: If you have a family member with AlZ/Dementia do not take them to the hospital unless it is an absolutely last resort and you have not decided on a hospice type scenario. It is torture for the elderly because they do not understand what is going on. It really sets them back

Core Values via One- Liners

A Soldier, my dad, Somewhere in the mountains of India, 1944

Laverne:

There is the experience, the memory and then there is a photograph. How much we get to know about someone seems to be based on many factors. Even though there are seven children in my family and all raised by the same parents, my father and mother, as naive, young, first time parents were totally different people when it was time to raise my younger siblings 17 years later. Or were they? Does the essence of who we are persevere?

Me: I am thinking about what Laverne wrote above and I think Mom and Dad were different with the "second family" in that they were more seasoned. The first family toughened them up and so consequently made them more laid back. I think after they "survived" all of the mishaps of the first four kids they realized, "Okay so that was not so bad, we survived and we came out on the other side pretty much unscathed, I can't believe we were worried" So with us they already knew what the other side looked like and so it was not looming out there. I always appreciated my older siblings for training them for us!

I do think the core values they had were the same from beginning to end though like: work smart not hard; if you cannot say anything nice do not say anything at all; they cannot get your goat if you do not tell them where it is tied; give yourself enough time so you are not late; if God had wanted holes in your ears he would have put them there; if it is not morally wrong and does not do physical harm do not say no to your kids. Mom said that way they will trust you and so when you do find it necessary to say no they will listen. Mom tells a story of how she was just a very little girl and she was walking the path from the house to the barn. Her Mother looked out the kitchen window and saw a rattlesnake right in front of her in the path. Grandmother yelled, "Grace Laverne Tilson you stop right where you are!" Because my Grandmother was not the type to rattle off "No" at the drop of a hat without good reason my Mother respected her and knew she always had her best interests at heart ... so she stopped dead in her tracks She did not move until Granddaddy came and killed the snake. I am willing to bet there are many young kids these days that would have gotten bit by that snake. It seems sometimes Mom and Dad raised us right with wise one-liners more than lectures or because I said so stuff!

Dads letter to Mom:

July 27, 1944

Somewhere in India

Dearest Grace,

Good morning honey. I just got up and ate breakfast, had you on my mind and figured I’d write you a few lines. Bore you a little.

Had a very good breakfast - -fresh fried sunny side up eggs and pork sausage, cereal and cantaloupe. The breakfast I had at your house beat this though. I really could go for a breakfast like that. Bacon and eggs, cream and cereal. Good old official cream also, not canned milk like we have here. Enough about food. I guess I’ve said enough, always complaining.

What have you been doing in the past few days? I hope your trip to Ft. Worth was a good one. So far I’ve been in Bombay and the city is nothing like anything in Texas. All they seem to have is peddlers in the streets, trying to sell you something you don’t want and they usually sell it to you, too.

Last night I went to a show here on the field. It was an out door movie. It rained at the beginning but stopped later on. I saw “So’s Your Uncle” and part of “There’s Something about a Soldier.” About ¾ through the 2nd picture it started to rain cats and dogs. I was soaked to the skin.

How do you feel about me honey, still the same way? I hope you do. I’m nuts about you. I wish we get things ironed out between you and I soon. Say, you never told me if the flowers arrived the day of your graduation or late. They were scheduled to arrive the day you graduated at school.

I sent you a picture. Not very good, but I guess it will have to do till I can get a good one.

Remember when I met you at Fort Worth and started a conversation, I said I sure would like to have you for a sweet heart and then when I did write you a few letters and we got better acquainted I sorta hinted around for you to invite me over to your place. You finally gave in, and after I left I figured you were sorry you ever met me. The guys at camp ribbed me cause I traveled 300 miles to see you and I disappointed you. I was kinda down in the dumps. Then when I heard from you again just before shipping for overseas telling me you cared a little I was really happy and then I knew I had something to go for and come back for.

I’ll be waiting for that picture you promised to send me. If you have not sent it out hold onto it till I give you my newest address. I’ll write you as soon as I receive the candy.

My younger brother has been rejected by the Army because of a weak heart. The folks were kinda glad in one way but sad to hear he had a weak heart. (Raining again)

I guess I’ll close now but before I close I want to ask you one more question. When is your birthday?

Lovingly yours,

always

Ray