Faith

Faith is a belief in things unseen. I believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit not because I have had them over for dinner, or because the Bible tells me I should, or because I have seen the sick healed or the dead come back to life. I believe because of all of the intangible miracles there have been in my life. The answers to prayers that some will claim are coincidence or luck but I believe are just one of my life's many little miracles because I prayed, put one foot in front of the other, did my best, and then turned it over and let Jesus take the wheel.

Well I heard a song by the Booth Brothers, "She Still Remembers Jesus' Name", and it has made me realize that maybe I am living in the midst of a miracle right now. I had never thought about it but Mom cannot place me as her daughter, and she does not appear to have any clue who Dad is or her kids are in pictures because there is no change in her face whatsoever when I show her. But when I have showed her a picture of Jesus, or talked about her teddy bear that says "Jesus Loves Me" her face softens and her eyes brighten. To me that just seems miraculous because based on what Alzheimer's does to a persons brain and memory, except for God's intervention and a miracle, I do not see how she does not seem to remember the faces of those she lived for since she was 19 yrs old but she so clearly seems to know Jesus.

Mom does seem to have recognized the voices of her kids as familiar and they seemed soothing to her but I do not know that she put it together that it is one of her kids and with her aphasia it is not really possible to ask her.

On another note Mom is really out of it the last several days. Sleeps almost constantly and her gagging is getting worse when I feed her. I am constantly vacillating between feeling like I need to lay down with her so she is not lonely to feeling like she has absolutely no use for or interest in me and I am bugging her. I have to work hard not to feel sad about that by reminding myself it is part of the process.