It does not happen often that Mom is affectionate but when she is she reaches out her hand. Life with Mom is a roller coaster of emotions. Here is how today went and you will see what I mean. This is a pretty typical day.
This morning I was in tears because once in awhile I get overwhelmed with the feeling that I do not take very good care of Mom. I know I am good with her mentally and emotionally but physically it seems to be one thing after another. Bunni convinced me that moving her here was still the best thing for her ... then we laughed about whatever it is we laugh at (only we think we are funny) and then I moved on to the business at hand.
Mom was not in a great mood this AM, actually she was a handful! She was watching her movie and yelling at it ... I kept telling her, "It is okay, it is just a movie." I think she was upset because Gus was talking to another woman! Finally I said, "Mom I think you need to watch some church!" Louis busted out laughing from the office! I turned it to my pre-recorded Sunday Mass and the first thing that is said is "... acknowledge your sins and ask forgiveness ... " I laughed and said "See Mom!" She totally calmed and tuned in to that Mass. I know those familiar prayers were a comfort to her.
Then it was shower time, it went as well as can be expected so when we were finished I asked her, "Mom are you mad at me?" And she loudly, without hesitation said, "YES!"
Needless to say, WE were now both ready for a nap! When she woke up she had the sweetest smile on her face and when I asked her if she was ready to get up she so sweetly said, "Yea!" Hmmmm ... I wonder ... where is that woman I put in this bed? She is no where to be found.
We sit down to dinner and at one point she starts trying to get involved in the conversation, she stammers, "uh uh uh, ah ah ah, one one one, two two two, ah ah ah", and then with such pain in her eyes she manages to say, "I I I caaaaant s s s ay i i t. And I just want to cry, I say "I know Mom, I hate that aphasia, because I know you have so much you want to say". I can only imagine the wonderful conversations we could have, it breaks my heart. I talk to her but half the time she looks at me like she is thinking, "You are such a dork", or "You sure do talk a lot". ; )
Then we go for our walk and she is responsive and enthusiastic about it. She loves being outside so after our walk we always sit on the porch and watch the sunset. This is when she reaches out her hand.
Finally we come in and she sits in the big chair while I blog. Periodically she has a sundowner spell where I have to say, "Mom! Use your inside voice!" LOL!
I cannot underestimate how much taking care of an elderly parent with alzheimers is like taking care of a baby. Think of everything you do or did with a baby and that is what I do with Mom right down to tip-toeing into her room when she is asleep, where I have a small lamp on, and I check on her. And when she is so still, just to be sure, I watch for the rise and fall of her chest to make sure she is still breathing, just like I did with my daughters.
I frequent a page on Facebook for folks that take care of their parents. So many of them take their parents anger and ugliness personal. Ya know I have never done that because I know my Mom, she has never been angry at her kids, she was and I believe still is, so wonderful at unconditional love. That does not mean I do not have to speak up at times. I do sometimes say, "whatever Mom, you do not get to treat me like that", and I leave the room. I feel so sure she understands and feels remorse for it because there has not ever been a time that she has not been sweet and cooperative when I return.
And then it is bedtime, time to rest up, she says, so I can toy with you again tomorrow! Well no, she does not really say that but she is probably thinking it!
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