What does Alzheimer's take from you?

Everything you ever owned, everything you ever thought you would get, and things you never even thought about. It's a long, slow slide into darkness, with no hope of stopping.

A beautiful statue, left out in the elements, worn away, until it’s only the shape of a person but not really the person that once was. Alzheimer's ...it wears away the edges that made my Mom who she was, one who lived for her kids, her animals, and her rosebushes, and turned her into a person with a sometimes confused and sometimes fearful stare.

I often wonder what she is thinking about when she is staring off into space. It is not a blank or empty stare, it is a stare that is so full it makes me look up to just be sure I cannot see anything too. But as always all I see is a blank wall. I ask her sometimes, "What do you see?" or "What are you thinking?" and sometimes she will look at me so intently, it sometimes seems like she is trying to force whatever she is thinking into my brain. Other times it is as if she is saying that as much as she would like to tell me, she cannot. Maybe she is doing her personal business with God and so it is confidential.

Anyway, even though Alzheimer's is what it is I do feel like Mom is so much better then she was a couple of months ago. I don't know why! I have been researching her medication and so consequently decreasing some and eliminating some which may be helping. I do notify the Dr. with each change, he is very tolerant of me researching what works.

Or maybe it is that she not only feels at home, I often think she believes this is her home and we are just hanging out for awhile. There is an air about her that is hard to explain but even the dogs respond to her sometimes as if she is the pack leader. It is a regalness that is my Mom that she always had in the Roaring Springs house. I think it is that recliner ... it is the best seat in the house, it is the hub and she knows it is hers ... she has the power!