The Confessional

In an earlier post I talked about how the biggest change for me has been that my life is more structured. Actually though I think I learned today that having Mom here is just an excuse to be more structured and can turn into a license to enforce it unfairly! I am so much more productive and happier when my life is structured and scheduled and so when something interferes with that ...

That is where the confessional comes in. I have debated whether to even talk about this but it is a part of Mom being here and how it can affect relationships. Yesterday Louis loaded the dishwasher and I know he was proud of that because he told me he did. That is not a usual thing for him to do because I am weird about "the loading the dishwasher job". He probably wishes he had not told me since he knows I probably would have possibly thought I did and forgot! So this morning my "structured" routine begins and when I get to the "open the dishwasher" moment my world as I know it STOPS! My whole schedule is disrupted because I will have to start over with caked on food! The dishes are GROSS ... food everywhere ... a frying pan and a baking pan lay across the top basket with food still stuck in it! My mind races ... how many times have I told everyone, "YOU MUST basically WASH the dishes BEFORE you put them in the dishwasher AND you CANNOT lay large items ACROSS the top basket!!". I yell "LOUIS! These dishes are gross, you have to wash them before you put them in this stupid dishwasher, and there is stuff laying across the top! Better yet do not load the dishwasher!!" Then I make him come look at the mess so he can see I am not exaggerating. He is so calm, never says a word. He knows I have enough on my plate and would never add to that. My schedule for today is all messed up ... by probably 15 minutes!! I know that is not a lot but it seemed huge at the time! So he goes to bed, he has been working all night, and I proceed to fix his mess!

Then I see the water in the bottom of the dishwasher and I think, "Now that is weird, he could not have created that problem." And then it hit me ... Oh my goodness ... I remember now, the electricity went off yesterday and we did not restart the dishwasher, hence the biggest part of the problem with the dishes! Oh I feel like crap ... do I tell him? Or do I let him just think he messed up?

He gets up and first thing he does is give me a hug and he says he is sorry. As I take that apology in, almost getting to the gloating stage, I crater, knowing I cannot do it and I say, "Well I am sorry too ...". And I tell him the "rest of the story". So we are all good but the moral of the story is for me ... to make ALL of the relationships work in this situation I still have to go with the flow like I always do. Mom will be fine if we fluctuate some.