Feeling pretty good about everything ... AFTER FEELING BAD!

My days are actually starting to feel like well oiled machines. And what I have figured out is that if we keep to the schedule all day the evenings are quite peaceful! No yelling, no hallucinating, Mom just sitting in her recliner, us on the couch, sometimes Mom wants to hold hands. When I ask her if she likes sitting in the recliner watching TV with us she says yes but I don't know 'bout that ... she never even looks at the TV! ; ) She is so comfortable here now and everything is becoming so predictable.

My brother came by to see Mom yesterday and I told him how much I realize how hard it must have been for him by himself. I know what it is like to start feeling a need to just get out of the house even if it is to just go to Wal Mart and get a picture frame! I have Louis here though so I have an out. Julian said, "If I could have just gotten away for a week periodically, but I never asked for help and that was my bad!"

I understand it is hard to ask for help sometimes for whatever reason, we do not want to appear weak or appear like we cannot handle it. But I also know that the ONLY way you can take care of others, whether it be your kids, spouse or parent, you must take care of yourself first. Being a martyr is detrimental to everyone in your life. Trust me I would never be accused of being a martyr ... I do take care of myself but as I have gotten older I have gotten more diplomatic about it, as was the case today. I wanted to go get some things for a project I am working on and so in "my mind" I was going to go. But in Louis' mind it was just another day and so he went about his plans like always. We worked it all out but then there is that bit of awkwardness because now he feels bad because he did not think about me and I feel bad because he feels bad because he did not "read my mind". So then we spend 20 minutes convincing each other that we should not feel bad because we might have made the other person feel bad and then before ya know it we are feeling bad for feeling bad which made the other one feel bad! YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN??

So we decided to implement the "No Feel Bad" law. Every afternoon is my time to get out of the house and do my things I might need to do if I need to. Now it will not be every day I will need to do something, since I really hate driving, but the idea that it is my prerogative and he knows to plan around that is liberating for both of us! Yay, I am so excited!