Who am I?

Early on in the Alzheimer's/Dementia journey I think Mom knew I was a daughter but could not put a name on a face. Then she got to where she knew my face was familiar but could never quite place it. You could see the struggle in her eyes as she tried to sort out the pieces of her memory. In January 2010 when I became her primary care "person" I was the person that she thought might rescue her from the care center she was at. I am not even sure at that time she knew I was family and she sure did not know my name. But she did make me feel special when I walked in. She was always so glad to see this Knight-ette in shining armor.

As time went on and we survived injuries and illnesses and hospital stays we became more and more connected but still if I told her I was her daughter she would be genuinely shocked and say "Really?" or "You are?" or "No you are not!". That was okay though because I knew I was important to her no matter who I was. ;) We were at a different stage in life and I was okay with being the person I was to her at that time.

Then she moved to Avalon and for a while to her I became the Knight-ette again coming to rescue her. After she settled in there I went back to being her "person". One time at a cookout, to get my attention, I was almost positive she said "Bev". I tried to get her to say it again, to say who I was but never could. So I don't know, maybe she was saying she wanted to go to "bed", or she wanted a "bev"erage, or who knows maybe it was not even her talking!! It was not like her to call me Bev, she usually said Beverly. Then one day while still at Avalon I was pushing her outside for our Vitamin D and for whatever reason I was out of sight for longer than usual and she started looking around and then asked Barry, "Where is my friend?". About that time I came around to her line of vision and she said, "Oh there you are!". So I was her friend now! I liked that ... that is a nice place to be with her. So I know Mom knows me as someone special but I do not think she connects me to the person in the family pictures

And then yesterday at the table I am positive she was calling my name. She was pretty insistent, and so I did not delay, I mean she is my Mom! ; ) She said, "Be- er-ey". I feel very confident that she was calling for her daughter that time and that was wonderful! Who would have ever thought your Mom calling your name, and sounding like you were in trouble for something, would ever sound so good!

So last night when she got fearful as usual when we are getting ready for bed, her face strained, staring at the wall I remind her, "Mom, look at me, it is just me Beverly", and she relaxes and settles. I think she knows me now. ;)